The Sin Against the Family, By Pastor Mike Davis

Malachi 4:5 and 6 tells us that just before the second coming of the Messiah, God will send a prophet to turn the hearts of the children to their fathers and the fathers' hearts to the children. There is something wrong there! Fathers should naturally love their children. Children should naturally love their fathers. Second Timothy 3: 1-2 tells us that: "...in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be...disobedient to their parents." These Scriptures teach us that though the family has been under attack since the beginning, this problem will be multiplied in the last days.

There has never been a time in America when the family has been in worse condition. Fornication, adultery, sodomy, lesbianism, divorce, and people living in sin have yielded untold problems and as a result have filled our prisons, mental wards, rescue missions, AIDS wards, and many premature graves. God has said: "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Not only are those who commit sexual sin judged, but also their children.

I've learned much over the years of rescue mission work and pastoring. I've learned that there are serious consequences caused by the sin against the family. God says: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth" (Ephesians 6:1-3). You may recognize these words as part of the Ten Commandments recorded in Exodus chapter twenty and repeated in Deuteronomy chapter five.

Notice that this is the first commandment with promise. God does not say, 'Thou shalt not kill that it may be well with thee.' Or, 'Thou shalt not steal that thou mayest live long.' The promise, "that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth" is connected to honoring our mothers and fathers. We could also say that if we do not honor our fathers and mothers it will not be well with us and we will not live a long life. Or, those who dishonor their parents will live a short, troubled life.

Let me cite some examples from personal experience working with troubled people since 1980:

1. "That it may be well with thee." For many, the root cause of a troubled, tortured life can be traced directly to the sin of hating and dishonoring parents. I met Keith one night outside my mission on the crime-ridden eastside of my hometown. At first impression, I wondered what a nice looking, well dressed young man was doing here in the bad part of town. He was eighteen years old.

That night, Keith prayed with me to receive the Lord Jesus. Our relationship grew after this. Outwardly he seemed to be doing great. He became faithful in church, was a hard worker, and saved money to go to Bible College. He and I were like father and son. What I did not know was that when Keith would go home, he was mean and hateful to his mother. His father left home when he was about thirteen and his mother had done her best to be both father and mother to him and his brother.

Apparently Keith had harbored bitterness against his Mom, feeling if she had been a better wife, his Dad wouldn't have left. The father left with another woman. Keith was the perfect Christian when he was at church or away from home, but was mean to his Mom at home.

As I write this it is twelve years since I met Keith. He has never gotten this sin right. He went to Bible College for a year, but dropped out. He stopped coming to church. He has been through motorcycle accidents, lost his license for drunk driving, spent time in jail more than several times, lived in missions, lived in the woods for months (no water, electricity, etc.) and continues today to be a troubled man, a burden to his mother who continues to try to take care of him and fears he may kill himself someday (So do I).

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Vince, in his 20's, was doing very well in our Bible Program. He was a sharp guy with good job skills. He did an excellent job running our clothing room. He went back (several states away) for Christmas and planned to return in early January. A few days after Christmas, to my surprise, I saw him and he was drunk. He did not return to the Mission so a staff member and I searched the city. We found him a week later living in a $6.00 a night hotel on Clark Street. He was drinking, going out with old sodomites for money, bleeding inside, and later tried to kill himself. I was shocked at his awful state and behaviour.

One day, as I spoke with him (trying to encourage him) some things came out. When he was young, his mother used to take him with her while she committed adultery. She later left his Dad and moved in with his uncle (father's brother) who she eventually married after divorcing his Dad. He had a bad relationship with his mother. "...that it may be well with thee..."

2. "...that thou mayest live long on the earth." God's judgement for the sin against the family is not only a troubled life but also a short one!

The day I met Bob he was high on heroin. I witnessed to him (God had delivered me from heroin addiction), but he did not get saved. That night he was stabbed and almost died in a drug deal gone bad a block from my Mission. When I visited him in the hospital a day or so later. Bob got saved. I gave him a study Bible. He came to our Mission when he got out. God delivered him from heroin. He was a real blessing and even taught a Bible study or two. 

What I did not know was that Bob was mean to his parents when he went home. Outside the home he was a blessing. Inside the home he was a terror to his Mom and Dad. After several months drug free, Bob got burned by a car radiator explosion. In the hospital he got the taste again for drugs as they gave him pain killers. When he got out he began using heroin again. I love Bob and worked with him off and on (when he was around and willing). I labored in prayer for him.

One day his father called asking me to come over to his house. Bob was very high and threatening his parents. I stayed several hours. When he started sobering up, I shared Ephesians 6:1-3 with him and warned him that he could not continue in this sin of dishonoring his parents. Not much changed and about three months later I got a call. Bob was dead! I preached his funeral. He was twenty-nine years old. Bob was a nice guy in many ways, but he persisted in the sin against the family.

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Louie and I used drugs together. We did many bad things but I always stopped short of stealing from my Mom and Dad. Louie, however, stole all his Dad's saving bonds (many). We cashed them in and bought heroin. He also took all of the valuables out of his family's home while his parents went on vacation. He broke a window to make it look like a robbery. He dishonored is parents. He died at 37.

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I started Jimmy on heroin. He was several years younger than me. One day we were in his basement in the laundry room. I had a needle full of heroin just ready to shoot. His mother began to knock at the door. What I heard next blew my mind. If you haven't figured it out by now, I was not a nice person. But I became embarrassed to be there. Jimmy, with his back to the door (holding it closed), began to curse out his mother. He called her names that would make a sailor blush. I've never heard anyone use language like that in front of his mother. Jimmy died at 37. They let him out of prison to die at home. He had AIDS.

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About every four months or so, I teach/preach on this subject to our Bible program men. I've become aware over the years that many wash up on the shore at the Rescue Mission because of this sin. After the class there are always a group of men who want to speak with me about their sin and circumstance. The first young man I counseled with after teaching on the sin against the family was Don. Don shared how his mother had been a heroin addict and a prostitute and how he lived in a house many times without food because of her sin.

He had been convicted in the message that he hated his mother. We prayed and I counseled him to write to his mother and ask her forgiveness for his sin. I remember how excitedly he came to my office and showed me a card from his mother. It did not say much but it was a start. Sad, but as in most cases I've worked with, he never got things totally right. Don went from Chicago to a mission in Milwaukee and then down South. Then we got word that a truck ran over him in Georgia. He was dead at 24.

You say, "Why is the sin of dishonoring your parents so bad? I would think murder was a worse sin." But God's ways are not our ways. He made this the first commandment with promise.

You say, "But some of these men got saved." Yes, and Don led a man to the Lord  while he was on our Bible Program who is now pastoring a church. A man greatly used of God. But let me say that sin is sin. "The wages of sin is death" is written to Christians if you check out its context in Romans chapter six. We must be saved and obedient and praying for a miracle of God if this sin is in your life. Check your life today. Are you honoring your parents? Are you bringing up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, or provoking them to wrath? Think of all the children growing up wild in single parent homes or raised by grandmothers. How do we explain overcrowded prisons, young men in the Rescue Missions, drive by shooters, the nightmare of drug abuse, open rebellion, roving gangs, failed school systems, AIDS epidemic, teen runaways, and suicide, babies having babies, and young people living short troubled lives? It is because in America we now have a couple of generations who have disobeyed God's commandment with promise.

When we removed God from our homes and schools, we removed the glue, the love that keeps our families together. If America is to be cured from its ills, we must make God first in our lives, our marriages, and our homes. Are you or your children or someone you love suffering because of the sin against the family? We must pray for a miracle of God.

If there is no miracle, no mercy, no revival, there are multitudes in "lock step" with no escape from short, troubled lives. To this day in America, we continue to sow the sin against the family. This is why politicians, talk show hosts, teachers and sadly, even pulpits (silent against this sin), have no answers. We've only seen the tip of the iceberg. Even if every marriage starting today were perfect, there are no answers for millions already wounded. We must seek for a miracle of God's grace and mercy and healing. He is our only hope!